time to go home

Finally I made a decision to end this traineeship a bit earlier than planned before and go home in the end of Jan.
There are many reasons, but the most important one I think is the tight connection between me and my families.
It's my first time to leave home for such a long time, although we sometimes talk through skype, I know they all hope I can go home.
My father always asks me "Aren't you coming home for the Chinese New Year?"
Indeed the Chinese New Years is time for families to get together, and in my past 24 years every year I spent it with my dear families, so maybe I shouldn't make it an exception this year.
I didn't get along with my mother very well in the past, but it's not until I left home that I realize she's the one who really supports me and always helps me to solve my problems, she just expresses her love in a different way.
I used to talk a lot with my younger sister, we shared a lot of secrets and I missed all those small talks with her.
My cousin writes me occasionally and once she asked me again when I'll go home and I said in May, then she asked me angrily "Why in May? You said in April before!"
The other small cousins couldn't write yet, but when talking with them on skype, they always ask "Are you coming back? When are you coming back?"
My grandfather was examined with cancer several months ago after I left home, and I felt bad not being able to be there.
Actually there were so many things that happened in the past few months at home that I sometimes felt so guilty for being happily away.
Some time ago I dreamed of my grandmother, in the dream she appeared in my apartment in Cluj and woke me up, and then she complained to me "Why didn't you come back to see me?"
A few days ago I found out that there wasn't any flight seat available in Feb., and I asked my families what to do.
To my surprise my dad said that he'll pay the money for me to upgrade the class so that I can go home for the Chinese New Year.
My dad has been a very caring and supportive father since I was a child, and I know he's recently anxious about the retirement after the Chinese New Year, worrying if he can get used to life after retiring, and I think I should keep him company at least in the first one or two months of this hard period.
Anyway because of all I mentioned above, I just decided to go home earlier.
Actually right now my feeling is so complicated.
A little bit excited because a new beginning is waiting for me.
A little bit happy since I can see my beloved families and friends at home soon.
But also a little bit sad (maybe actually a lot) when thinking about the fact that I don't know when I'll be able to come back to visit my dear Cluj people again.
Further more, it's going to be officially the end of my AIESEC and student life.
(Actually it should have been the end two years ago, but somehow I feel like an AIESECer and student again here in Cluj…)
I have a feeling that I'll have to say goodbye to the naive and sometimes childish myself.
Because I have to go back to reality to the adult world, and I'll have to act and behave like an adult.
Will I become one of those people who judge the value of other people according to their title on the business cards and the brand of the clothes or accessories they put on?
Will I become selfish and don't care about how others feel just in order to achieve my goal?
Will I close my heart again and hide my emotions to behave professional?
I don't know, but one thing I know for sure is that I'm going to miss the simple life in Cluj very much.
I won't say this traineeship is perfect, but there are just some moments that are so beautiful.
It's like too good a dream for me, and no matter how much I don't want to wake up, the moment eventually comes.
After decades when we all become old, will I still remember?
Will you still remember?